The Overview

Same weather – same outfit.

Same city – different scenario.

Different bars – different drinks.

Same me – same time.

Different men – different relationships.

The bits I hardly dare share & a map of the moral low-ground: part 2

I think that it was early January. It was still bitterly cold outside & any evenings out – even those where heavy drinking occurred – required a warm jacket.

I’d been invited to a friend’s work-do. She wasn’t well-acquainted with many of the folks going so I was there for moral support. We started, somewhat awkwardly & soberly, in a bar that neither of us was overly familiar with. My legs were on show, but the weather begged I wore a little more on top as well as some sheer tights – minimalist protection against the freeze.

We were drinking spirits – the sure fire way to become a little more spirited – when I leaned across to my friend, who I had known since school, & whispered to her that I was sure that I recognised one member of our party as being from our home town. She agreed. I noted that he was not brash or loud but he was clearly at ease in the company of this mismatched group.

Whilst huddling together & smoking quickly to fight off the frost’s chill we asked the familiar stranger if he was indeed from our home town. He was. A little older, but he had gone to the same school.

The night wore on, the drink flowed & our party became all the more jovial with each bar that was visited.

Familiar-stranger, my friend & I chatted enthusiastically & animatedly about school days, teachers & general home town life. After some time I noticed that my friend had sidled out of reminiscing & was tactfully leaving us to it. After a little more time I began to notice that familiar-stranger was unpretentiously intelligent, good natured & very agreeable. We had a lot in common, too.

I also noticed that he liked me, a lot. & I think that I liked him. Though I was not immediately attracted to him he was certainly what I was looking for in a man.

“Oh.” Thought I.

The bits I hardly dare share & a map of the moral low-ground: part 1

Sometimes, my life tends to take on the feel of an episode of ‘Shameless’. These are the opening scenes:

I think that it was early January. It was still bitterly cold outside & any evenings out – even those where heavy drinking occurred – required a warm jacket.

A drink with two of my loveliest girlfriends started off in the usual fashion & at the usual bar. My legs were on show, but the weather begged I wore a little more on top as well as some sheer tights – minimalist protection against the freeze.

We were, of course, drinking cocktails – I’m sure I was on ‘Love on the Rocks’ but I might just be being fanciful now – when a colleague of one of my girlfriends joined us, along with two of his friends – both strangers to we three. One of these strangers was probably our age, quiet & I noted his moderate good-looks. Stranger number two seemed younger, also fairly quiet & I noted the dark circles beneath his eyes – a sure sign that he preferred to smoke something a little stronger than tobacco.

The night wore on, the drink flowed & our groups seemed to drift to different bars together & then eventually to the disco with the stickiest floors, cheapest drinks & best music in town.

The boys had a table whilst the girls danced. The boys imbibed a little more & soon they were teetering on the edge of being well-oiled enough to join us. It was at this point that someone informed me that Stranger Number Two did not know how to dance. I took this claim in earnest & with no other purpose than considering myself to be the dancing queen & spotting an opportunity to show off I dragged Stranger Number Two to the floor & began to instruct.

It was only as he pulled me close, hands wandering, that I realised the Stranger Number Two was actually not as clueless in the field of dance as had been made out. His friends’ motives were plainly ulterior ones.

It wasn’t like me not to realise that something such as this may occur but this was not anticipated. It was pleasant though.

‘Excellent.’ Thought I.

Coming soon...

'The Bits I Hardly Dare Share & A Map of the Moral Low-Ground'

But admitting your past mistakes & even in some ways trying to justify them - to yourself, if not to others - is a tasking thing. You begin to question your own character & morals. Though I personally have never been out to hurt anybody, I have through my own cowardice, bad judgement & plain selfishness been a terrible person at times.

This aside, I cannot say that I have not had fun. I have had frolics & flings that even make me blush on remembering them from time to time (I realise I sound like a middle-aged lady here - but what's wrong with that?).

In the next installment I will try to be as honest as possible, as I believe that's the key thing, & should anybody judge me on that then that's only fair, however, past is exactly that & all we can do is take from it, learn & move forward.

Now, I shall away to think about just how poetic one can make ones silly mistakes & dirty deeds sound...